Believing When You're Not Seeing It. (Keep It Moving)

Some say it's a waste to continue working out if you're not seeing physical results. I have to disagree. As someone who's lost massive weight at one point, gained it back (luckily never exceeded my previous), plateaued & sea sawed my weight, I went through a phase that I felt working out was a waste, b/c I couldn't get my eating habits in check & felt I wasn't doing enough (due to reoccurring injuries which comes with age, improper workout procedures or wear & tear (twisted ankles, sore neck or lower back problems, pinched nerves, pulled hamstring, etc.)

Even though I was seeing the results, I definitely felt a difference when I stopped for about a month. There was a point I started having chest pains in the middle of the night & waking up to sharp pains, which triggered in stress & paranoia of heart problems.

We may not see the results outside, but you'll never know how helpful it could be internally. I'm not gonna criticize ones regimen, b/c it is common sense that in order for external change, you have to stay committed & work hard to achieve that goal. You have to step up your game, once you hit a certain plateau. But the LAST thing you want to do is stop, give up & give in to what your mirror's projecting.

I've slipped up big time when it comes to eating right (thinking of Krispy Kreme now, but I'm cool. lol). But though it might've restored the fat lost from running 3 miles or doing up hill sprints, those exercises might be the difference between having a stomach ache or having a heart attack. So regardless of personal goals or workout regime, don't give up on trying to improve yourself. #KeepItMoving

*No shots at anyone, just motivation for those actually trying.

Still Waiting, Jay Elect. Where You At?

I think it was around 2007 or 2008. I was sitting around my cubicle working on an intensive automotive ad for one of the dealerships in Macon. While my eyes are focused on the task in front of me, my ears were serenaded by the sounds of boom bap blended with the lyrical stylings of the emcee of my choosing on my I-Tunes traveling through my $15 headphones.

Suddenly I'm interrupted by a co-worker with a burned CD he made for me just off the strength that he knew I'd be one of the few who would appreciate it.  Although I never heard of this dude, Jay Electronica.

Rather than judge prematurely off thinking to myself, "his name sounds like the second coming Freedom Williams of C&C Music Factory" or being disinterested off the strength he's from New Orleans (automatically think of everything "Bling Bling" in gaudy, glittery, glossy album covers) I placed it in my computer to upload it to my library & give it a listen.

I was immediately blown away & disbelief that such a lyricist could come from the same birthplace as Master P, Lil' Wayne & Siilk the Shocker. (no shots, but come on!) His interpretation of Nas' classic, "The World Is Yours" made me an instant fan & couldn't wait for a real album to materialize to really show the new generation what Hip Hop Greatness really looks like without the gimmicks, trends and bullshit.  Just exceptional bar that were out of this world. I was proud when others got to "Exhibit" what I already knew.

But then year & year goes by. A random track or a cameo appearance rolls through. Newer faces in the culture entered to stake their claim battling for that number 1 spot or being future inductees in the legendary G.O.A.T conversations.

But where does that leave Jay Electronica? We just have to stay tune.

2017: 2 Months So Far

I gave up on following Resolutions years ago, and decided to just go with the flow as soon as improvement was in order. But this year was definitely an exception for many factors. 2016 was one of my most depressing years where I've had to take a long look at myself.

Not too long ago, I was a Graphic Designer in high demand at my place of employment and was thankful to see something I've always wanted to do as a child come in fruition. Unfortunately, life happened. My entire department was outsourced. Received unemployment. Got another Graphic Design job, but wasn't as respected as I was at my previous and had to deal with drama & unprofessionalism. Was eventually forced out. Went back to a previous employment where I did multiple jobs (more than expected) on prehistoric equipment and a boss who was a total douche using his position to bully his staff leading me to suffer from high blood pressure for the first time. So I quit to give freelancing a shot.  Living off my savings for the past 2 years, while getting a slew of potential clients hitting my inbox requesting freelance work.  But disappear, once I request a deposit to get started. Which leads to dealing with the realization I may have to leave the very thing I love & everything I worked so hard for behind me, just to give my savings a break.

But I still smile on social media & around family & friends during the day.  Meanwhile hiding the tears I shed at night & eating away my aggressions trying to drown out the suicidal urges that still haunt me. Fortunately, I'm stronger than I was prior & can openly acknowledge it & refuse to allow myself to give in. So no hotline numbers are needed at the moment.  Right now, instead of looking at death, I'm too busy working on a rebirth.

I've spent 19 years dealing with print media from newspapers to building magazine prototypes & even producing my own calendars. Although most of my artistry revolved around a computer (which is a huge plus), I'm still having to relearn the differences going from a print platform to a digital one. I'm back getting re-familiar with web designing. For the past 2 months, I've watched tutorials & learned editing & putting together videos for the first time.  I've even tapped back into doing animation. These I've never had the chance to do, but had a natural gift for.

In just this short span I'm loving 2017. Right now, instead of dwelling on where I used to be, I'm more focused on where I'm trying to go.  I may not know where I'm heading or where I may end up. Bot on the real, one place I can't go is BACK.  And that's a good thing.

I'm out (like my 2nd ever produced video below... I love it).

I'm Back

The Blogger's back after a hiatus so long I can't even remember the last time I actually type something that was either a comment, a poem or a storyline. Many might say I typed comments that read like blogs, because I had so much to say. And they maybe right. Hey. I went from celebrating 300 blogs in a 3 year period ranging from random rants (Is It Just Me), to celebrating music (I still do in certain groups), sharing Black History facts (I still do with Chronicles Unspoken page and group) and displaying my creative muscles through art (Phellahgraphics) and rhymes (FB Notes).

 On the real, I didn't think I would miss writing as much, because before blogging, I strictly wrote bars, hooks & complete songs to the instrumentals in my head. Plus I didn't think much of my writing, although some of the most respected writers, bloggers & poets were very encouragement & showed me love. Unfortunately, you can only be slept on so long til you doubt your own worth & go back to the thing that started you in the blog community in the first place: Bars, knowledge & Art. Saving potential blogging content for others & bless them with my own 2 cents on a respectful level, though I occasionally play the troll.. (only in a playful way to those I truly love & respect.)

 But with all that I've done, it's only made me more scatterbrained & less focus to a point, I've almost deleted my account on 2 separate occasions. And now with Twitter, Instagram, Snapshot, Google Plus.. it's becoming too much & I'm trying to do too much. And for what? A "Like"? Or some more random person wanting to talk business then bounce once I mention a deposit?

 I've made the Chronicles Unspoken page such a daily obligation that I can't leave my house or decide to stay offline without reminding myself, "man, you gotta post the facts for today." All of this to try to share as much information as much as possible to give the youth something I never received at a young age. But I'm thinking 2017 will be my last year posting daily facts on my regular timeline and other groups that cater to Black History & News. Thankfully I can still schedule dates 6 months in advance. So they'll still be posted on the page. But I can't continue to do this all on my own & I'm not going to. I can only do so much. But moving forward.

 Things were much more simple when MySpace was the be all end all, but unfortunately those days are done. Have to get you in where you fit in. So instead of trying to put things & their very own basket, I want to welcome "Phellah" back. And hopefully this won't be a wasted page... (although I've had this account for about 8 or 9 years but never used it.)

 Peace.