Sunday, April 2, 2017

April Foolish & Tired

The beauty of being invisible, is that I can say whatever I want in this page & no one would read it. I can spaze out & no one would know. But when I want to be heard, it's crickets & tumbleweed. Sucks I can't have it both ways, but it is what it is.

This would be the first National Poetry Month of April that I'm deciding not to share or post anything. And it's not because of writer's block, b/c I have old writes I can use & edit. It's basically because I'm tired. Tired of feeling like I have to tag ppl to make them see my work after 6 years of sharing my writes daily.  Not including the years prior on MySpace where I was honored as "The Most Slept On Blogger." If cats haven't awaken by now, why the hell I'm still trying to shake them?

I question myself, but always get told I'm overthinking & that I should stick with it. I should write or publish a book.  It's hard to believe when someone can post a "word" & get more attention than shit I spent minutes, sometimes hours.. researching, writing, typing, editing & sharing & be lucky to get a "like." Hate to sound pessimistic, but a lifetime of sacrificing & loyalty to the wrong ppl have made me like this.  Who'd buy my book? My family's too busy waiting for a free copy (as a hook up). Cats on social media tell you what you want to hear to your face & talk slick behind your back, while being entertained by your rants. Hard enough getting Black folks (yeah I said it) to support a Black business & pay what my graphic design work is worth. Buying my book? Please.  Yeah. When I die, I'm sure it'll sell then. My fam would make a killing, while I had to live off my savings account to make it.

As a creative, I have a lot of topics I want to touch on with my writing. But I'm doing enough posting daily facts in one group, trying to step up my hustle as a freelance artist in another, being committed & playing admin in groups putting my all, & be lucky to get half back... making others look good, while I stay in the background.  I'm tired. Tired of working myself to the ground with nothing to show for it but some nice creations.

Well I'm glad to get that out my system. Time to pay some bills.